


Mother does not know best

by Act_ocean



Category: Chainsaw Man (Manga)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Yakusoku no Neverland | The Promised Neverland Fusion, Angst, Families of Choice, Friendship, Gen, Manipulation, Minor Character Death, unhealthy parent/child relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:21:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29899653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Act_ocean/pseuds/Act_ocean
Summary: Denji is a child at Grace Field Orphanage. He has been his whole life. Every day is the same. Isolated from the other children, he spend all his time all his time in the library studying, so he can be praised by mother.That's until a certain day, when a dark haired boy arrives at the orphanage. A dark haired boy who'd change Denji's life in a way he never expected.A journey into a world much darker than his own. A world that still managed to bring him more light.
Relationships: Denji & Hayakawa Aki, Denji & Makima (Chainsaw Man)
Kudos: 4





	Mother does not know best

**Author's Note:**

> there's one part of my brain that tells me to actually write another chapter of my other ongoing fanfiction.
> 
> But I'm ignoring that part, and listen to the part that tells me:" Chainsaw man TPN au goes brrrrrrr"
> 
> on to a more serious note: I hope u enjoy this, it was pretty fun to write. It's the first time I've written a chainsaw man fanfiction, but hope it went well.

Denji had been at the orphanage nearly his whole life, but he never had any friends. Too brutish and dirty to ever bee adopted, but too exiled, to ever make companions.

As Mother often put it, he was too unapproachable and unpredictable for the other kids. He was different. A different bread. The other kids laughed at

Mother didn’t judge him for being like that. No, she praised him for being special. Told him that he was amazing every single day. Mother understood him. Every little piece of praise made him beam.

So Denji Studied a lot. He didn’t really care about it. It was all the same boring stuff. All he needed to do was remember. Remembering was hard, and it wasn’t fun. Denji would much rather eat or okay games, but mother would only play games with him, if she was proud.

Mother cared about studying, and she wanted Denji to be good at it. In return he wanted to make mother proud. She made him feel whole. Whenever she praised him, petted him on the side of his head and tell him that he did good, he would feel the nagging feeling in his chest disappear.

The nagging feeling hurt. It appeared every time he saw all the other kids play. the feeling was cold and clenching. Like it suddenly had become winter, while Denji weren’t wearing any clothes. At the same time the feeling was dark. Deep and black, like the hole they had dug when their dog died.

The feeling also appeared when he was on his own in the library, when he was there, and no other was around. It especially happened when he wasn’t concentrating.

Denji thought the feeling was stupid. Couldn’t It decide when it would appear and why? It made him uncomfortable. Denji just wanted it to disappear.

He had tried that when he was younger. When he was younger, he had tried to join in when the other kids played tag.

He soon regretted it. They had accepted him at first, letting him play with them. But when they got to know him, he was out again. There was this one time where he had stayed out for 12 hours hiding, so that he wouldn’t get caught. Mother told him; she had been searching all night.

They called him weird for trying so much. They said that he wasn’t supposed to take it that seriously. Denji didn’t understand. Weren’t you supposed to try to win? Mother always said that you needed to give it your all.

He had hit the kid that had him out on his behaviour first,

Denji was angry, but he didn’t understand why.

The confusion hurt more than the feeling.

Denji slowly accepted that mother was the only one who could make the feeling disappear. So Denji loved mother. He was always ready to do everything for her, because mother was the only person that made him feel whole.

Denji didn’t have any friends, but he wasn’t on his own.

He had Mother.

That was until Aki Appeared.

~-~

The older boy appeared on a damp midsummer day. It had been raining earlier, but it didn’t anymore. It had stopped a whole hour before the boy arrived.

Denji hated the rain. Rain meant that the other kids stayed inside instead of playing outside all day. They would run around all over the house, the sound of music would appear, and the babies would cry because of the sound. When they were inside, they took all of mother’s attention.

Them being inside also meant that they took more of Denji’s attention.

The other children had been distracting him all eve running around in the library. The library was his place. Couldn’t the be anywhere but here. They reminded him of the fun in nit studying, the fun in having fun.

But Denji didn’t need fun, he needed praise.

The rain had lasted long that day, but it still managed to stop before the the boy appeared. It was right after dinner.

There had been bread with jam for dessert.

Denji had been devouring as much as he could, before the other kids ate the rest. Denji always felt urgent when it came to food. He had never been starved, but it was like a feral instinct. Maybe it came from something before the orphanage? His mind couldn’t recall anything from before. He could’ve been a well fed noble just as easily as he could’ve been a starved bastard.

He had been stuffing his mouth with bread while having these thoughts, as an older boy appeared in the room with mother.

An older boy.

With mother.

Suddenly getting lost in his tracks Denji had looked straight at the boy.

This was the first time someone older than Denji had appeared in the orphanage. It was always small crying babies, that only the older girls were allowed to take care of. The Children could be up to 3 years old, but never older. Not a single time.

But here was the exception.

Why were he an exception? There weren’t supposed to be any exceptions. It didn’t make sense. The black-haired boy looked, to be at least ten if not eleven years old. You weren’t supposed to be that old when you arrived at the orphanage.

Suddenly he wasn’t looking at the boy anymore. Denji was looking at mother, looking for a single sign, an explanation, just a thing.

He was quickly met with a reassuring smile.

Mother placed both of her hands on the shoulder of the boy. Squeezing them just like she did with Denji, whenever he was nervous. Maybe the boy was nervous. He at least seemed uncomfortable with the way he was averting everyone’s eyes.

“Let me introduce you to Aki, your newest brother, please take care of him.”

The looked boy like mother just had said something very wrong.

The first thing Aki did in the Orphanage, was spitting on the floor.

~-~

It was quiet a few weeks before Denji actually got to talk to the new boy. He hadn’t really had any reason to approach him. Denji was cut off from the group of other kids, and Aki seemed pretty well interrogated into the main group already. It didn’t matter that he was different. Denji was sure he would be the same as the other kids in That way.

From what Denji had observed at the dinner table, the classes and their bedroom, Aki seemed like the quiet, kind and intelligent type. He wasn’t the most outspoken, but he seemed to help a lot of the younger kids. He also got amazing grades. Even better than Denji. Aki always seemed to get one hundred percent correct. Though he never gave of the vibe that he tried.

A truly intelligent child.

It honestly weirded Denji out. Whenever Mother Praised him, he would just ignore her, and leave the room. Aki got good grades without wanting praise. The boy didn’t make any sense.

So Denji never approached the boy. Sure of, that they never would interact.

Until they did.

He was peacefully sitting in the library studying geography. In the last days Denji had been slacking with geography, and it was starting to show on his tests.

Mother had even commented on it.

He needed to catch up.

And in the end that meant a whole evening, with his face in the books. No games. Mother wouldn’t like that. Mother really wouldn’t. Denji couldn’t let that happen. He didn’t want to feel it. He was going to study geography until his bedtime, and mother would be proud again tomorrow. A lack of fun wasn’t worth the same as mother’s compliments. Denji was lost in faraway countries, and daydreams about happy feelings.

And then someone pulled his book away from him.

Denji immediately looked up to see who the offender was, and like it was fate: he was eye to eye with the new boy again.

Aki.

The older boy was standing right in front of him. He held the book closely to his chest, where he also held a little plush. His eyes weren’t moving an inch. Aki didn’t even blink. There went shivers down Denji’s spine. Something was wrong with that look. It was deeply painful, angry and at the same time pitiful.

Why did he take his book, and why was he starring at Denji like he just murdered someone?

“Please come with me,” the words were cold, and sharp like steel. Denji honestly weren’t sure if it was meant to come off as a request, because that definitely sounded like an order.

He wasn’t really one to follow orders, that didn’t come from mother.

Quickly getting up, Denji threw himself at Aki trying to get the boy onto the ground. He was sure that he was the stronger one in pure strength, so if it was a matter of a brawl he would win.

But he was too slow.

One second Aki were where Denji was aiming. The next he wasn’t.

Aki placed his hand on Denji’s shoulder from behind:” Please, I’ll return the book if you do.”

Turning around in a hurry, Denji felt his face getting warmer. What the fuck was this person talking about. Asking Denji to follow him like he was some sort of dog.

“Why the hell should I follow you? It’s a book from the library. You’ll return it at some point, so I can just come get it another day,” he didn’t need to tell the other boy that he needed to book now.

Clutching the book Aki pulled a bit away:” But that’s not true is it?

Huh?

Ignoring Denji’s confusion, he continued:” You need the book now. You’re studying geography so that you can improve your grades. They’ve been falling for the few last days. “Mother” as you insist on calling her, didn’t give you a compliment yesterday and today. You need the book so you can get those small treats again. I’m sure you can’t even survive without them.”

What the fuck was wrong with him?

Denji lashed out against him again, also missing this time:” You don’t know shit about me.”

“Actually, I do. In fact, I know quite a lot.”

He finally got hold of Aki. Denji grabbed the collar of the other boy’s shirt and pulled him closer. Furious, that was what he was, and that was the one thing he wanted the other boy to know.

As he held him by the collar, Aki kept his calm. The older boy just kept starring.

“I beg you. One of the younger kids, Kobeni, forgot her plushie as she was leaving today. She told me that it meant a lot too her. I’m sure that they haven’t left the gate yet, I just want her to have it with her,” his expression didn’t change much as he pleaded.

One of the kids left today?

Denji hadn’t really noticed.

Maybe that was why it was so quiet?

Sizing him up, Denji questioned:” so why do you want me along?”

Aki had begun to wriggle himself out of Denji’s hold:” because we’re not actually allowed to go to the gate, and you seem pretty close to That woman so-“

“You want me to go along, so you can use me as a shield against mother’s wrath,” Denji finished, while silently fuming, about how he didn’t call mother by her title.

“Exactly.”

Letting go was easy.

“Disgusting fucker,” was whispered.

With that he followed the other boy.

If they were caught, he could always tell mother the truth, and she would probably be proud of him for doing that. If they weren’t, then maybe he would be forgiven for forgetting that one of the other kids was leaving.

~-~

The walk up to the gate was a short one, but a weird one. Denji had never walked the path. The rules said that you weren’t supposed to go to the gate, so why should he. He had no hidden desire to see it up close. Standing there in the background, tall and mighty, he had seen it loads of times. It shouldn’t matter if it was far away.

But it did.

The gate was totally different. It was big and menacing. A dark tunnel with no light. It was open, but you could see the metal bars hanging from the ceiling.

And then there was a car.

A car!

Denji had never seen a car. He had read a lot about them. It wasn’t really for school, but nearly all the cool guys in the fictional books rode one. Those guys were the ones that everyone liked. The ones that got praise from more than one person.

He was dying to touch the car.

“It’s a car,” he sounded so dumbfounded, but he couldn’t be angry at himself. The excitement was too big, to feel anything else.

Looking to his side, Denji expected to see Aki in the same daze of excitement as he was. Instead he was wearing the same expression as when he stole the book.

But a whole lot angrier.

“Yeah it’s a car.”

There was bitterness in every single word.

Denji’s thoughts were going wild:” Aren’t you excited?

Shaking his head, Aki answered:” Why should I be excited? It’s just a car, I’ve seen a car before.”

A new revelation.

“You’ve seen a car!” It was less a question and more Denji whisper screaming excitedly. That was so cool. He bet the only other person at the orphanage that had seen a car was mother. ‘

“How else did you think I got here?” the answer was static, and quiet.

Of course, Aki got here by car. Denji should have figured that one of himself. It made total sense what Aki said. The only reason Denji hadn’t figured it out, was because he was too focused on the car. The car right in front of him.

Not able to stop himself anymore, Denji declared:” I’m going to go look at it.”

“sure,”

The answers became shorter, and shorter, but Denji didn’t notice. He had gotten his good to go, and he was of on adventure. Mother would surely be angry if she found them, but Denji had forgotten most consequences. Letting himself enjoy something different from praises.

Exploring the car, Denji noticed that a part of it was hidden with textile. Filled with curiosity, he decided that that would be the first part he would investigate.

Turning to the backside, he discovered, that the textile easily could be removed. Excited to find out what was hidden behind it, he made the decision to remove it on three. Just to hype himself a bit more.

Three.

Denji grabbed the textile and got ready.

Two.

He heard footsteps. He was pretty sure it was Aki’s, since mothers sounded different.

One.

He pulled.

And suddenly every happy feeling was gone. Every single small part of the excitement disappeared in a single second. All that remained was a disgusting sickness. A sickness that made him want to throw up, look away and at the same time held his eyes captive.

In front of him was Kobeni, but she wasn’t really Kobeni. Kobeni was the small girl that always stuttered with her wide eyes, as she followed the command of all the older kids. Kobeni’s skin was pale, but there was always a small blush.

This wasn’t Kobeni, no it couldn’t be Kobeni. Her skin wasn’t as grey and pale, as ash. There was always warmth in her face, a feeling of life. Kobeni’s face wasn’t like this. It wasn’t so dead, so cold. Kobeni was always shaking, she couldn’t be the one laying still in front of him.

Kobeni didn’t have a flower thrusted through her chest.

Kobeni didn’t lay in a pool of blood.

Kobeni wasn’t dead. She couldn’t be. She had been there at the dinner table. Denji had seen her less than a few hours ago.

The little girl couldn’t be dead. Denji refused to accept it.

He didn’t even remember when the last time they talked was.

Anger filled him. The cold wind stood in big contrast to his insides, which were burning. He didn’t know if he wanted to cry, shout or laugh.

He reached out for her. She couldn’t be dead. He just needed to check to make sure. It would just be to calm himself down. He would feel her warmth. This was just some weird hallucination his mind was making up. It was because he had studied too much. He just needed to touch to make sure.

She was stone cold.

“What the fuck is this?” he spart out. His words were filled with confusion, disgust and fear. Harsh but uncertain, because that was what he was.

Fucking confused.

But a voice harsher than his own made everything awfully clear,

“That’s what happen to the kids……” his heart stopped for a second

“You know…. when they get “adopted.”

Denji’s whole body turned ice cold.

What?

No.

Aki couldn’t mean that.

Looking back, the other boy was right behind him. Eyes still filled with anger, but it wasn’t only the eyes. His whole body language screamed it. Clenched fists, clenched teeth and a fuming aura. He didn’t look at Denji like Denji had killed someone, no he looked like he was going to kill someone.

“Let’s get out of here, before they return,” he uttered. It felt like he was holding himself back, like Aki wanted to scream, but he couldn’t. Keeping himself in check.

With those words uttered, Aki ran.

And Denji…

Denji followed right after.

They ran and ran. Faster than Denji ever had done before. Like they were in a hurry to escape.

Well maybe they were. Maybe the people that had done that to Kobeni was already after them. Would they do the same to them?

Would Denji be the next one with a flower through his chest?

The picture appeared in his head, as soon as he finished the thought. Dead, cold. Just like the nagging feeling. Kobeni was probably feeling it right now. The constant feeling. Mother wouldn’t be able to stop it.

He wanted to throw up right then and there.

But he didn’t. He kept running, as he became more and more exhausted. He kept catching his breath. Denji couldn’t stop.

Instead he needed to get Aki to stop.

Denji needed to get some kind of answer. Something to clear his head. Aki would be able to do it. Aki needed to be able to it. Someone needed to be able to understand. Someone needed to explain.

But Aki was so damm fast.

They were nearly at the house, when Denji finally got Aki to stop. Or well Aki did it by his own accord, but he did it. Right in front of the entrance.

Denji needed to ask him now. Nothing in his head made sense, but he had cooled enough down to realise, that when they entered the house, it wouldn’t be safe to ask.

“Why?”

Why so many things. Why was Kobeni laying as a corpse, instead of being on her way to her new family? Why weren’t mother there? Why was Aki angry even before they found Kobeni? Why did Aki know about all those things? Why was Aki so sure that what was happened to the children?

Why did Aki bring him along?

Aki answer was simple, vague and precise:” I needed an ally.”

~-~

They didn’t talk after that. Aki just left as soon as they entered and hadn’t spoken to him since then. It was like nothing had happened. Denji was back to never talking to anyone, and Aki was back to his calm usual self. Nothing with the boy indicated that he had seen Kobeni’s lifeless body just a few days ago.

Denji wondered if the other kids saw anything different with himself. He didn’t think he was doing anything different.

His days where still spend in the library, not interacting with the other kids. Spend every second studying. Though it wasn’t as much for the praise anymore.

To simply put it: looking at the other kids made him feel like shit. He didn’t see people anymore. He saw lifeless corpses laying on the ground. He saw pools of blood.

He saw Kobeni.

It was much easier too just just ignore them.

Plus, it gave him even more time. Denji had gotten on hundred precent on all his tests in the last week. Better grades meant more praise from mother. More praise made the nagging feeling disappear.

And with that he would only feel the new feeling.

it was something new. The feeling made him feel small. Like he was a mouse. A mouse that was scarred of being attack all the time. Denji had at least looked over his shoulder 20 times, just this evening. Every little sound made him want to jump.

Mother didn’t make that feeling go away, but it was easier, when the nagging feeling was gone.

Mother who Denji was sure had nothing to do with Kobeni.

He had been scared of it in the beginning.

But then mother found him hiding in a corner shivering.

_He was cold. Just like her. They would com any second. Denji was next. He had seen it. They weren’t supposed to see. Kobeni was supposed to be with her new family. Why hadn’t mother done anything? Did she know?_

_He wanted it all to go away. Last night should just be deleted from his mind, Denji couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to move but was scarred, to remove the safety of the wall behind his back._

_Closing his eyes, he kept whispering:” I want it to be gone, I want it to be gone, I want to to be gone, I.. want.. it.. to… be…… gone.”_

_And then he felt a pair of arms embrace him. A sudden warmth. Safe. Denji was safe._

_“What ever you want gone darling, I’ll assure you, I’ll protect you.”_

_Mother._

_He voice was so calm, like sweet honey. Slow but shining. Mother was right here. Mother would protect him._

_Opening his eyes, he saw the world again. The arms crushed him in a good way, as Mother placed her hand right on his right ear and petted him reassuringly._

_The flowers couldn’t hurt him here._

After that Denji realised that mother couldn’t be a part of it. She simply couldn’t. They were a family. Mother saw them as her children. Mother cared for them, she protected them.

She wouldn’t want Kobeni’s fate on any of her children. It must happen after she says goodbye. Someone was misusing mother’s trust.

He had thought a lot of telling her in the last few days. She would know what to do. Doing everything in her power to save the rest of the children.

But the people who killed Kobeni was dangerous. If Denji told her, there was a chance of her being in danger. He needed to weigh his options.

What to do?

A chance of safety for everyone?

Or a sure safety for mother?

_Click!_

Before he could make a decision the door to the library opened.

Placed in the same position again, a certain boy was standing in front of Denji. Precisely as he had done just a week before. But this time, the eyes weren’t as accusing.

“Would you join me for a walk?” he wasn’t demanding, but there was something underlying.

So, he now he wanted to talk?

“A bit late, isn’t it?” Aki had been ignoring for a week. Denji was allowed to be a bit irritated. He wanted answers, but he was frustrated.

Aki fumbled with his hands:” I wanted to make sure, that That woman wouldn’t realise who had been to the gate with me.”

“That woman, is mother, and you have no reason to be worried about her.”

The other boy’s hands went still:” I have every reason to worry about her.”

Denji feeling irritated that the other boy accused mother, spitted:” well why don’t you tell me.” Maybe he could actually get some information today.

“Sure.”

~-~

the forest was different from how Denji remembered it to be. In his mind. It was a calm warm place. Where all the kids played. It was picture perfect peace. An idyllic place, that Denji never had spent much time in.

now it was just an ill-lit awful place.

A place where he had heard everything.

He felt nauseous. Everything around him was wrong. Denji wanted to run away, to forget. This was worse than before. He wanted to go back to not understanding.

Livestock, they were livestock. Raised to be food. Food to some stupid demons. They fucking raised them to die. They didn’t matter. Pieces of meat in a long production line.

The demons ate their brains.

That was the reason for the tests.

Denji was only alive because of his scores. If he didn’t study, if he didn’t try, then.. Then…….

He couldn’t let himself finish the thought. That picture wasn’t allowed in his brain. It would never become the truth.

Except it was.

Denji felt himself sitting down. It wasn’t really done consciously, but he couldn’t keep himself up. Too much. He pressed both his hands to his face, as tears began to drip.

“How the hell do you know all this?” having gotten answers Denji wanted more. His brain was currently trying to keep everything together. Keeping him from the brink of insanity. It was trying to finish the jigsaw puzzle, and he needed the last pieces.

Denji heard Aki sitting down. He probably did it, so they were in the same hight.

“I originally come from another farm.”

There where others? Other people went through this. Weren’t people realising wat was happening? Why hadn’t anybody saved them? Why did Aki move?

“A group of children from my old farm, discovered all this by accident. They immediately decided to run away, slowly but surely, they discovered more and more, and they got ready for the escape. They told me, because the wanted me to go along.”

“You chose not to,” Denji whispered.

Aki placing his hand in in his lap continued:” I didn’t. I was too scared and didn’t totally believe them. I refused to go the gate and see the truth. But I still knew about their plans. They had told me that they planned to set a fire, to distract our “mother”, as you insist. I knew it was going to happen, so I was quick to get out. Our “mother” was nowhere in sight. I did my best to get all the younger kids out. Around twelve o clock, out “mother” appeared, she came out from the fire.”

“she was carrying three burned children corpses,” as he spoke his voice got louder and louder.

“The next day I went to the gate. Can you guess what I saw?”

The last words didn’t feel like they were for Denji.

“I saw three burned corpses with a single flower pierced through each of their chests. I suppose it didn’t matter that their food was a bit burnt.”

Denji was speechless. Denji weren’t close with any of the other kids, but he could clearly see that Aki were close to those people.

He went through all that pain to be placed in just another farm. It was sickening think about. Just as sickening as it was to think about Aki’s burned friends.

“That day I decided that I would escape from the farms.”

The determination was strong.

“Why me? Why did you show me that fucking body? Why did you have to tell me?” it confused Denji. What had Denji done to be chosen.

Aki stood up again:” I already told you. I needed, and ally. You were the best option, since you aren’t close to anybody. You wouldn’t care about anything but saving yourself. You wouldn’t get stupid ideas about saving everyone.”

Him not caring about anyone. Who the fuck did he think he was?

“There you’re wrong, because I actually care quite a lot about someone. That someone being: Mother,” he felt a small smirk appear, as he declared his care. Aki didn’t know everything about him.

It was better to think about something good.

It was distracting.

Aki shaking his head, said:” I kind of thought the selling us out to demons thing would cancel that out.”

“She’s not selling us to the demons! Mother cares too much,” Aki didn’t understand because he hadn’t been here for long. If he just got to know mother, he was sure that he would understand.

“Yeah I thought that too about my first “mother”, look where that ended me.”

There was short silence after that. How were he supposed to answer that? He knew that mother wasn’t evil, he just did. The problem was that, Denji didn’t know how to make Aki understand. Aki had been hurt. He wouldn’t trust easily, and Denji didn’t want to work with somebody who couldn’t understand mother.

Denji was lost in thoughts again.

Suddenly Aki reached out with his hand.

“I know we don’t agree on what that woman thinks, but can’t we just work together. I need someone to help me, and if I get away then I need someone else to survive.”

Denji wouldn’t let it go: “but mother-“

“Could be just as evil as my “mother” and she could be forced to do what she does. I’m sue she’s not ignorant, but if we work together, I’m willing to accept that she may have her reason. Will that be enough?”

“Don’t you want to survive?”

Denji grabbed the hand, as soon as the last word left Aki's mouth.

**Author's Note:**

> And that's it for the first chapters. I think it's going to be around three chapters long, but I'm honestly not sure yet. 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed this au. It's been living rent free in my head for a while, and I finally got it written today.  
> also I hope you have a good day:)


End file.
